LittleIsMuch: The Time of His Favor

Being a mother to children you did not birth can lead a person to some unusual emotional places. With children you give birth to, there is an inescapable bond which makes it more natural to have insight into what the child needs. There is literally a part of you inside that child somewhere which connects you emotionally and you at the very least have some sort of "hunch" as to the origin of the particular behavior, attitude or action. It's not that there is a greater love for natural children as opposed to adopted ones, but simply a greater ability to understand the child.

The inability to understand my children who did not come from me has been weighing heavily on my heart lately. I try very hard to look them each in the eye as much as possible to see if there is some new light into who they are becoming as they are growing older. They say the eyes are the window to the soul. I'd like to meet the guy who said that & have him live in my house for a while. There are times when I feel like I'm nowhere closer to understanding their souls than I was when they first came.

Yesterday was one of those days. I felt like I have failed my children. I am at a loss to know what to do next with a couple of them and it all just hit me like a brick wall. I don't love them any less than any of my other children, but love is a choice. Understanding is not. I can choose love and that love increases & strengthens over time. I can choose to understand all day long, but unless somehow the light is turned on for me, I cannot understand any more tomorrow than I do today.

Today I am seeking after the One who has the light to shed some of it into this broken momma. As I prayed for my children today on their 1st day of school, I was led to a passage in Isaiah which most likely has nothing to do with children, but God used it to open my eyes to what He is doing in our family.

Isaiah 49:8

This is what the Lord says,

"In the time of my favor I will answer you,

and in the day of salvation I will help you;

I will keep you and will make you

to be a covenant for the people,

to restore the land

and to reassign its desolate inheritances."

My take away?
First of all, what I'm asking of God takes "time." In my mind 6 years is a lot of time, but in the grand scheme of my children's lives and the whole of history...It's really not that long. Okay, Lord, I will wait for the time of your favor.

Secondly, He will KEEP me! This process is NOT going to destroy me...Even though I felt destroyed yesterday. He has me right in the palm of His hand. There is no better place to be than that!

The final thing struck me like lightning! He is making ME into a COVENANT for my children...to RESTORE them and "reassign their desolate inheritances." They have come from desolate places with genetic wiring that I cannot understand, but He is reassigning them to their new origin! WOW! I guess it's not only a work in THEM that needs to come to completion, but there's a serious work in ME which needs to take place as well. How in the world can I possibly be a COVENANT for my children? Lord, make me into whatever YOU need me to be for the sake of my children. My own understanding is not nearly as important as my BEING who You need me to be so that You can use me to make them into who they need to be.

Thank you, Lord for making today a WHOLE NEW day! I gladly leave yesterday in Your hands.